six letters.

change.

those are the six letters that haunt me, the one word that always comes to my mind when i see you, when i hear of you.

change: the process of becoming something -different?

well, no. it felt like something else.

throughout our time spent together, i didn't really notice it. we were both changing. not only you, and not only me. the both of us, we were becoming different people.

it's sad how i blamed you. i got upset with you, for changing. for becoming someone, something different. for being someone i wasn't used to. and i regret it. i used to say, 'it isn't my fault, right? he's the one who changed. i'm still me, aren't i?'
you don't know how hard it is to admit to yourself that you are the problem. that maybe, just maybe, it was your fault. i had to learn to humble myself. and i had to accept the fact that maybe, i did mess up. maybe it wasn't supposed to be a perfect friendship. we weren't supposed to have a perfect ending.

dear you, i could apologize for everything. but in a way, i'm not sorry. i'm just sorry you wouldn't forgive me, because our friendship got deprived. one fight. a fight that was caused by a misplacement of words, by upset and confused emotions. one day out of one hundred and eighty two. it took ten seconds for things to go wrong, and not any for them to be fixed. maybe i could of had a second chance. but maybe that wasn't how things were supposed to play out. this has made me 10x stronger than before, but i still hurt. and just because i've become stronger, doesn't mean i'm not sensitive. i'm as sensitive as ever, but in a good way. i honestly want to thank you, and people will probably think i'm crazy. but thanks for showing me that some things aren't meant to last forever. and people screw up. but i've learned to forgive. and i hope you can too. i still care about you, and no matter how many times i say it, or try to tell you, i know you'll never accept that.you say: "i'm grateful for what you did for me, i really am. but life moves on."if life moves on, why even try to help anyone? why even spend an hour making sure someone is okay? why waste time on someone who won't even care? you make it feel like it was worthless, all the time, the hope, the prayers, the tears.. so was it? did it all go to waste? because it sure feels like it.you know, if anything, in two years, this will mean nothing. i'll look back and laugh on how dumb and emotional i was, for a boy. but right now, it does. just because i will forget, doesn't mean, i have. i'm sorry i thought that being your friend could help you out. and i'm sorry it didn't. i'm sorry i care about you. but i'm even more sorry that i can't help caring for someone who could care less about me. so i guess this is a final goodbye.
sincerely.. me.

"day by day nothing changes, but when you look back everything is different."