i'm sorry for, the person i became.

i'm scared. but i'm done.

six months. pretty long time, right? that's the amount of time i spend waiting for my birthday to approach.

maybe it was just the thought of having a new school year, and new friends, that made me pretty happy. but i little did i know that you would mean so much to me.
let's reminisce-

<< august >>
we sat by each other in our english class. and we laughed and laughed and laughed. we became good friends. had the little facebook wall post conversations. we hated the student teacher. but we loved the memories.
<< september >>
talking became easier for us, suddenly we were so comfortable around each other. we loved to laugh. in fact, we spent most of our time together, happy. and i just loved that.
<< october >>
good friends; that's what we were. we took pictures on Halloween, talked about random things & always joked. we started texting, you told me i made your day; i saved that message. for it meant a lot.
<< november >>
i was hurt by a past boy, you defended me & made me feel great. you told me how much you valued my happiness, and that was the beginning of our close friendship. i began to value your opinion more than anyone else's.
<< december >>
flirting definitely began, but it was sweet. we told eachother everything; best friends. but this time; it meant so much more. maybe this was when i started to fall for you. you promised me a christmas present; you kept it. i can't even explain to you how good it was to see you after all those messages exchanged during that christmas break. i should of hugged you; but i didn't.
<< january >>
talking everyday was normal for us. i always helped you with girls. you were always on my mind. i knew your weaknesses, as you knew mine. but we accepted each other, for we were both imperfect. you doubted yourself, so much; and i told you how much i adored you. i hope you know i meant every word.
<< february >>
things became a little awkward, but we dealt with it. i remember you giving me those hugs. i cried in your arms; in fact we cried together. i was so happy for you, and so proud. you don't know how many times i prayed for you. you gave me 3 roses&the sweetest note for valentines day, i valued those so much.
<< march >>
we always talked about dating. you made it so easy to be in love with you. you were always kind, and so sincere. your birthday approached. i wrote you a letter&meant every word. i remember coming over and singing for you, when i forgot the keys, you helped me. i was nervous, i adored you. but then, two days later: we got in a fight. i cried and cried. we didn't talk for a week. things were horrible from then on. no more 'us', no more best friends.

guess what? i've spent the last 3 months trying to stop thinking about you. trying to no longer be hurt, to no longer miss you. but i just can't. you're always on my mind. and the thought of you makes me cry.

so, here's me giving in; being weak, by saying;
hi, i'm still in love with you. and i miss you like none other. i'm sorry i care so much for you, but i can't help it.