because there are days and weeks and minutes where your life can just fall apart. and sometimes you find yourself imagining what you could of done to make it better. to change the whole outcome, or situation of things.
lately; this is how i've felt.
most recently, i've realized that you can't control the outcome of situations..most importantly because you can't control other people's thoughts or actions; you can only control your own. and that, has been extremely difficult for me to understand. there are situations in my life where i would do things completely different, but someone is holding me back. because i can try to influence their decision, but most of the time, they won't budge.
it makes more sense in my head. but, lately, i've been kind of "off" with my best friend.. and i miss him so much. i find myself crying almost every night, i often think about him, every second of everyday. i guess, i'm just so used to having him so involved in my life, that now it just feels like so much is missing. a huge part of me. and, it is. he is missing. i miss him.
not only was he my best friend, but to be honest, i was in love with him.
and.. i still am..
surprise?
2 comments:
Love your honesty and openness in this post, but sorry you are feeling as you do...missing someone and feeling that emptiness really can be difficult! I think we all feel similar at times, I know I have, but it is all a part of growing up, changing and evolving in life...though sometimes harder than others. Sending a few extra smiles your way! :) :) :)
As I was reading the words to your post I was feeling them. I know exactly how you feel down to the last sentence and sigh.
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