Do you know how to pretend?

pre·tend/priˈtend/

Verb:

Speak and act so as to make it appear that something is the case when in fact it is not:

I apologize in advance, this is called venting. And venting will probably be dramatic. I warned you? I guess lately, I'm not the same. I am so different. I no longer spend every second of my day laughing or smiling. And that bothers me, a whole lot.

Last week, I admitted to a boy (the best friend) that I had feelings for him. Which at first was fine. He told me not to worry, it was okay. And nothing would change. Time passed. But, things did change..

I wish I could take back those words. So he would never know. But, I can't. And yes, I do in fact regret it. A whole lot. Our whole friendship has changed. It's all different. He has his moments where he can be my best friend, and others where he ignores me. I feel dumb. I regret it. He is very good at pretending to care. Pretending to care our friendship is still the same, or that he likes talking to me. I wonder how he does it?

I need advice. I need a friend. Just someone to vent to. I need to be heard. And a shoulder to cry on.

"Finding a companion or a friend isn't about trying to transform yourself into the perfect image of what you think they want. It's about being exactly who you are and then finding someone who appreciates that. The best thing you can do is to start to become the most outstanding person possible."

And you, if you're out there. I'm sorry. I really am.

I just want my best friend back.